My Bus, Our Bus

Summary

Inspired by a dream where a man told him, "Byron, we are walking similar paths on opposite sides of the fence," Byron developed the "My Bus" versus "Our Bus" analogy to explain two approaches to relationships, particularly in organizational or ministry settings. The "My Bus" mentality focuses on a single person's vision, where relationships are functional and end when the shared task or role concludes. In contrast, the "Our Bus" mentality prioritizes building genuine, caring relationships first, with function stemming from those connections, ensuring that bonds endure even when roles change because they are rooted in mutual support and a desire to see others succeed, reflecting the author's belief that God values relationships above all else.

The Story

This all started from a very short dream I had years ago.  In the dream, a van pulled up in front of our home. We were living in Texas at the time and it was our actual home in the dream. Crystal and I were sitting out front which was unusual as we had a wrap around porch and we would sit on the side of the house not the front. The wife got out of the van and began to talk with Crystal, having a conversation with her.  The side door of the van opened, and there was a man in the back, the husband and friend. I was trying to get him to come out of the van, but he was sitting in the darkness of the van. At one point he finally leaned forward, and said, “Byron, we are walking similar paths on opposite sides of the fence.” The dream ended. 

Over the following years, I have spent time praying and thinking about this concept of walking similar paths on the opposite side of the fence.  How I put it into words is what I call ‘my bus our bus’. A lot of people use the term relationship vs. function and I think that speaks to it just as easily if not better, I simply enjoy the visual aspect of the two buses.

The way I began to challenge this was through relationships. It was relationships we have with people from all over the world who would come in and ask me questions about why they were feeling so frustrated in the place they were in and the leadership they were under. These are not people who were disgruntled, or who were not servants at heart, but people that were simply troubled in their situation because they were seeking for what I call an Our Bus mentality, and they had been under a My Bus mentality.  Most of us grew up under a My Bus mentality or thought process, and hopefully that is changing to where our children and our children’s children will begin to operate under an Our Bus mentality much more readily.

My bus is exactly what it sounds like.  It is my bus, I own the bus, and I drive the bus.  It’s my purpose, it runs for my purposes and its’ my vision.  You get on the bus to help serve that vision. I am not suggesting that there is something wrong with that. I am suggesting that when you do this, and you are serving that vision, that when the moment comes that your function ends your relationship, tends to end. Our relationships under a My Bus mentality come from the function, from the servant aspect and not from a relational paradigm of knowing, trusting, loving and caring for that person. They come from operating under a function, a ministry, and good works.  Yes, we need these good works, but the problem is people get on a My Bus and as they are driving down the road they are working hard and all of a sudden their function is no longer necessary.  The bus pulls over you get off the bus and now you feel like, “What just happened to me? I thought we were friends.”  And really what happened was that you had function and you had a form of relationship under function and not relationship driving the function.

Then you have what I call an Our Bus mentality. This is where the bus pulls over, you get on the bus, and the bus driver says, “Hey, how are you doing?  Let’s get to know each other.” You begin to get to know each other and out of this relationship is formed.  There will be, of course, a variety of relationships at a variety of levels.  Some are going to be closer than others. What ever the level, you are building relationships and then out of these you begin to learn what is on the hearts of other people. They get to learn what is the purpose and heart you have and the dreams and desires you have in your heart. You begin to ask them what their dreams and desires are, and you begin to help one another. You will then tend to operate and walk in a relational paradox versus a functional paradigm because the function is not the driving factor. It is the relationship that you have with that person. You want to see them win; you desire to see the best out of them, you desire to see the dreams they have fulfilled because they are somebody that you know and care for. 

Let’s look deeper at My Bus mentality.  For example, let's say your function ended and due to this you decided it was necessary to move from one church across town to another church. Generally, you would no longer have relationship with the people back at the other church because you had left the function you were serving and therefore you no longer had purpose to fulfill. Therefore, relationship would be over. This could happen across town at a church or it could happen 1000’s of miles away moving to another country. It really doesn’t matter.  You begin to lose the dynamic of any form of relationship that you might have had under a My Bus mentality simply because it was never really there. It was never truly based upon a care and concern for the individual. Rather it was a concern for the vision, the purpose and the dreams of that one person who owns the bus.

On the other hand, under an Our Bus mentality, you develop your relationship first. You have taken the time to see and develop a relationship with those people around you. If you were called to move across town or across the world you wouldn’t lose your friendship, or your care and love for that person. Your desire would still be to see that person win, just as much as it would be for them to see you win. Your relationships would pick up where they left off, right when you come back and there would be an ongoing building because of communication and because of the care and love you have for each other.

God is a relational God first, and we believe it is more important than the function. We need to slow down our function long enough to build the relationships that we have; and from that can come all kinds of incredible great works that God has ordained for our lives.

Key Takeaway

I believe that many of us, for too long, have operated under a "My Bus" mentality, where relationships are secondary to function. We get on someone else's bus to serve their vision, and when our function ends, so too often does the relationship. This leaves people feeling used and discarded

I've learned that true, lasting connection comes from an "Our Bus" approach, where relationships are built first, nurtured, and prioritized over mere function. This means taking the time to truly know, trust, love, and care for others, regardless of their role or purpose. When we shift to an "Our Bus" mentality, our desire to see others succeed stems from genuine care, not just shared tasks. God is a relational God, and I believe we should reflect that by slowing down, investing in authentic relationships, and letting those connections drive the good works we do.

Here are three questions to help build spiritual faith, based on the "My Bus Our Bus" concept:

Questions for Spiritual Growth

1. Consider your current spiritual community or the ways you engage in your faith. In what areas do you see evidence of a "My Bus" mentality (where function or serving a vision dictates relationships), and in what areas do you see a developing or established "Our Bus" mentality (where relationships are foundational, leading to shared purpose and mutual support)? How does recognizing these differences impact your understanding of spiritual connection and belonging?

2. The text emphasizes that "God is a relational God first." How does this understanding of God as primarily relational challenge or affirm your own approach to spiritual service and community involvement? What practical steps can you take to prioritize building deeper, more authentic relationships within your faith journey, even if it means "slowing down your function" initially?

3. Reflect on a time when you experienced a shift in your spiritual role or community (e.g., moving churches, changing ministries, or stepping away from a specific function). How did your relationships with others in that context evolve? Did you observe the difference between relationships built on function versus those rooted in genuine care and connection, as described by the "My Bus" and "Our Bus" mentalities? What did this experience teach you about the nature of lasting spiritual bonds?

   
   

   A Prayer for Relational Faith

   Heavenly Father, we come before You, acknowledging You as the ultimate relational God, whose very essence is love and communion. You created us for relationship—with You and with one another. We confess that often, in our human endeavors, we can fall into patterns of "My Bus" thinking, where purpose, vision, and function overshadow the sacred call to connect deeply with those You place in our lives.

   Forgive us, Lord, for the times we have prioritized tasks over people, or allowed the ending of a function to sever the bonds of relationship. Open our eyes to see others not merely for what they can do, but for who they are: Your beloved children, each with unique dreams, desires, and a divine purpose.

   We pray for a profound shift in our hearts and minds, moving us from a "My Bus" mentality to an "Our Bus" way of living. Grant us the humility to listen, the empathy to understand, and the courage to invest in relationships that transcend mere utility. Help us to cultivate communities where love, trust, and care are the driving forces, and where function flows naturally from genuine connection.

   May we always seek to know, to love, and to champion the dreams of those around us, desiring to see them win as much as we desire our own success. Guide us to slow down, to truly see one another, and to build enduring friendships that reflect Your own relational heart.

   May our lives, our ministries, and our good works be rooted in authentic relationship, bringing glory to Your name and building a Kingdom founded on love.

   Amen.

   
   

   Call to Action: Boarding the "Our Bus"

   The profound insights of the "My Bus Our Bus" concept invite us to a deeper, more authentic way of living out our faith and building our spiritual communities. It challenges us to examine the very foundation of our interactions. Are we primarily driven by function, or by genuine, heartfelt relationship?

   Here's a call to action to help us cultivate an "Our Bus" mentality and strengthen our spiritual faith:

   1. Self-Reflect on Your "Bus": Take time to honestly assess your current relationships, especially within your spiritual community or areas of service.

      • Are your connections primarily based on shared tasks or roles ("My Bus")?

      • Or are they rooted in mutual knowing, trust, and care, where the relationship itself is the priority ("Our Bus")?

      • Consider recent transitions: when a function ended, did the relationship endure? This is a key indicator.

   2. Prioritize Presence Over Performance: In a world that often values productivity above all else, intentionally slow down. When you interact with others, especially in a spiritual context, make a conscious effort to be fully present. Ask genuine questions about their lives, their hearts, and their dreams, not just about the task at hand.

   3. Cultivate Intentional Relationships: Don't wait for function to dictate connection. Proactively seek to build relationships with people simply because they are fellow travelers on life's journey.

      • Listen Actively: Truly hear what others are sharing, both spoken and unspoken.

      • Show Care Beyond the Task: Offer support, encouragement, and prayer for their personal lives, even if it's unrelated to a shared project.

      • Celebrate Their Wins: Genuinely rejoice in their successes and offer comfort in their struggles.

      • Share Your Heart: Be vulnerable and allow others to know your dreams, challenges, and aspirations.

   4. Embrace the "Why": Remember that our good works and ministries are most impactful and sustainable when they spring from a wellspring of loving relationships. When we prioritize knowing and caring for one another, the functions we engage in become richer, more joyful, and more resilient.

   5. Be a Bridge, Not a Barrier: If you've experienced the pain of a "My Bus" relationship ending, commit to being an "Our Bus" builder. Be the person who maintains connection, who reaches out even when the shared function is no longer there.

   
   

   By intentionally shifting from a "My Bus" to an "Our Bus" mentality, we not only deepen our connections with others but also more fully embody the relational nature of God. This commitment to authentic relationship is a powerful act of faith, building stronger communities and reflecting the love that is at the very heart of our spiritual journey.