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What Motivates Me?

I was asked a straightforward but very profound question: what motivates me? There needs to be some backstory to get you to where I am today.

In 1990, we lived in a small flat in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana. God had me run into a personal wall. A huge wall. A barrier I couldn't go around, under, over, and I definitely couldn't go through it. I had hit a wall that I needed to respond to, and I'm going to call that wall "relationships." Now we all have relationships in our life. But they don't have to be good relationships to be called a relationship.

My life up to that point had been spent in performance, attempting to create a product or create something that gave me value. God offered me the opportunity to focus on relationships. I'm a very highly driven person, and most people knowing me today don't think that; they don't see that. Because in 1990, God asked me to do something unique to my personality. He said, "Byron, I want you to focus your energy on relationships, not production." It wasn't easy. I spent the next nine years just trying to figure out the difference between production and relationship and why each is important to our life. I'll explain after the following story.

And then, in 1999, I had my next major phase of learning about relationships. We were living in Texas. My daughter is now 12 years old, and we were in our kitchen having this tiff, and the words came out of her mouth, "Dad, what does it matter? You're never home anyway."

Never again, never again will I hear those words come out of her mouth. We went into my office, and I sat her down, and I began to call events and churches to cancel. Oh, I got a lot of kickback from that. People were upset with me. But you know what? My family was far more important. I learned a valuable lesson about relationships that day.

Shortly after that, I had a dream. In the dream was our house. We had a semi-circle drive that led to the front door of our home, and our house had a wraparound porch. It was beautiful because we lived out in the country. Our view from the side porch was beautiful. Crystal and I often sat there together, enjoying that view.

In the dream, Crystal and I were by the front door. A van pulls in, and the wife gets out - a close friend of Crystal's - and they begin to have a conversation. Then the back door slides open to the van, and I know someone's back there, right? I knew who it was, the husband of the woman. And I said, "Hey, come on out." Now the second time, "Hey, come on out!" Now, by the third time, I was getting frustrated, and I yelled a little bit, "HEY, GET OUT HERE!" The person leaned forward and said, "Byron, we are walking similar paths on opposite sides of the fence." The dream ended.

I spent three years processing that dream with the Father. What does that mean: walking similar paths on the opposite side of the fence? Then I realized that two sides in scripture are vital to all of us - relationship and function. The Trinity was in a relationship together from the foundations of the earth. So, relationship is critical. He sent his only Son. It's a relationship. He didn't say He sent the second member of the Trinity. He said, "I sent My Son" - relationship.

The other side is function. Well, it says faith without works is dead. We must do things with and through our faith, but what comes first? You see, for me, it had always been the function. That's where I got my value, my self-worth. God had changed that in 1990, and he was still changing it in 1999. He was still moving me and teaching me how to have a deeper relationship with himself and people. From this, I wrote a piece called "My Bus, Our Bus" that talks about function and relationship.

This led me through almost two decades of learning to walk in relationships and traveling around the globe, spending time with leaders relationally. They became frustrated with me, "Aren't you going to prophesy? Aren't you going to minister?" "No, I came to be with you." To the ones that it didn't frustrate, we had the deepest, best conversations.  

Eighteen years after that dream, I watched a short video by a man named Simon Sinek. He talks about the Golden Circle: the What, the How, and the Why. I realized I knew my what, and I knew my how, but I didn't know anything about my why. I desired to know. I contacted a good friend of mine who is a fantastic man. Gary Cockroft was a counselor and now is a life coach. "Gary, I need you to walk me through my why," I asked. It took me six sessions with Gary to figure out my why. Everything I do comes out of my why. If you have the heart to discover how God has created you and find your why click the link below to Gary's website.

What Motivates Me? My why motivates me and all that I do. My why is to live heartfelt life-giving moments for you and me. In everything I do, I seek genuine life-giving moments.

Let me tell you where those words came from. At first, I began to use the words "genuine," "real," and "authentic," but I realized they weren't speaking my heart. They're good, true words, but they weren't my words. I had to use descriptive words to make my why legit for me: living heartfelt life-giving moments for you and me. Living kingdom life comes first from relationships; it used to be a function.

For 30 years, I've sought this track of learning to walk relationally. I am discovering my why has accelerated this journey. I'm nowhere close to finishing, and I struggle with it daily. I have to remind myself that this is a journey; this is my journey. If I have a thorn in the flesh, I love function and production. But it's not what the Father asked. Now I have much more profound relationships.

Here is a call to action.

1. Please click the link to Simon Sinek's understanding of the Golden Circle: and get a basic foundation of what I'm talking about:

2. Then check out Gary Cockroft's website: to see if you connect with his heart:

So thanks, Abe, for sending your question to me. Please, if you have a question, comment in the comments below.

Psalms 57:2, "I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me" (ESV). Find your purpose, guys. Have a great day.

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